copied from scans_daily

Title: Straighten Up and Fly Right

Author: danceswithgary (danceswithgary@yahoo.com)

Pairing: Clark/Lex

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Spoilers: None

Word Count: 520

Archive: Fine, just let me know

Summary: "Why can't you fly in a straight line?"

"Not that I don't appreciate your prompt assistance in pulling me out of that building before it collapsed from the explosion, Superman, but was it really necessary to detour under the sprinkler system? Twice?"

"You were on fire, Luthor."

"It was only one shoulder, and you could have easily smothered it with your hands, leaving me dry instead of dripping wet and chafing."

"And have you complaining that I left bruises like the last time?"

"That was because you knew perfectly well that you didn't need to pat me down for weapons. And for your information, I've never worn lead boxers."

"You told me I had to stop using my x-ray vision to spy on you because it was an invasion of privacy!"

"It is when we're talking about my labs. And my offices. And...the executive washroom!"

"Hey, that was only once...because I thought that I heard you calling for me."

"I...never mind. Just...look out for that...! Why can't you fly in a straight line?"

"Would you have preferred going through that helicopter?"

"No, but this nonsense of swooping around and between buildings and constantly changing elevations makes me nauseated. Take right now, for example. We were level with a news helicopter a minute ago, which now has a picture of you carrying me around dripping wet. Thank you so much for that, by the way. Now I'm having difficulty breathing due to lack of oxygen because we're too high above the ground."

"You must have had a really tough day with your evil minions. Anoxia certainly hasn't slowed down your complaints, Luthor. "

"As if you ever listen! Your super-hearing obviously has a mute button whenever it's time for me to tell you what I think about your constant abuse."

"That's not fair! I listen to everything you say. I even try to improve how I use my powers based on your helpful suggestions."

"Your powers...your ridiculous powers. Every time I think that I'm beginning to understand your limitations, something changes. Their very existence is an offense to anyone who has any familiarity with the laws of physics. None of them should even function in this universe! Newton and Einstein are spinning counter-clockwise in their graves because you should not be able to fly!"

"I can't fly?"

"It's impossible!"

"I.... You're absolutely right! I can't fly!"

"Stop it, you moronic alien! This isn't funny!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't save you, Luthor. I can't fly. You're the one that said it wasn't possible, and I do listen to everything you say."

"When did Superman turn into Tinkerbell!"

"I'm not hearing any clapping, and that ground is coming up fast. It's a good thing I bounce, although I have to admit that all this falling out of the sky is doing nothing to cure my fear of heights."

"You can't be serious!  I can't believe...."

"Can't believe in what, Luthor? Me?"

"I'm sorry, all right? Of course you can fly!"

"Gotcha!"

"You are sleeping on the couch for the next millennium."

fin

***

Notes: A comment exchanged with kyanoswolf  about impossible science in movies and on television and http://pics.livejournal.com/danceswithgary/pic/00066esq/ from scans_daily and voila! Silly!fic.

Standard Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the characters herein. The characters of Lex Luthor and Clark Kent as well as any supporting characters are the property of their creators and DC Comics. Gough/Millar Inc and the WB Network TV own Smallville. Any deviations (or deviant behavior) from the originals, however, is mine.

Feedback is both welcome and appreciated.

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