Title: I Loved You All Along

Author: danceswithgary (danceswithgary@yahoo.com)

Pairing: Clark/Lex

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: None

Spoilers: None

Word Count: 1100

Archive: Fine, just let me know

Summary: "I never thought I would forget this hate then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong."

Somehow, I managed to forget what we used to mean to each other before the bitter words and pain, before we wasted all our time together on accusations and lies.

The scan was detailed enough to reveal that the sheet of paper was torn carelessly from a spiral-edged notepad and scorched along the edges. The writing slashed across the page in black agitation, nothing like the smooth, confident letters once scribed on a purple card.

I used to look forward to seeing your smile enter my office, the one that reached your eyes and convinced me that you were happy to see me, too.

Lois had forwarded the file with a comment about Luthors and deathbed conversions. According to her source, the arson squad found the note under one of the fireproof tables overturned by the explosion, sandwiched between the top and the concrete floor. Chance had protected it from the fire that had turned everything else in the lab to ash.

Isn't it amazing how the intervening years can smooth away the rough edges of anger? Now, I look back and wonder when it all happened, what was it that changed the boy who hoped into the man who hated.

Her endless speculation on the name of the mysterious 'you' of the note continued to rasp along his nerves until he was sure that an explosion was imminent, one that would remove any doubt in Lois' mind on his opinion of the subject.

I could never admit that I was becoming the man I never wanted to be. You were unable to trust me or accept the possibilities outside your world of black and white.

The Luthor name had ruled the headlines for days before it was displaced by the latest scandals to rock politics and Hollywood. Lois grumbled at how easily a Luthor's crimes were proclaimed ancient history and relegated to the newspaper morgue.

A single phone call and the years of hatred vanished, and all I wanted to see was that smile once more. I couldn't lose the possibility, so I set out to solve the problem. I knew the risks. I made my choice.

He couldn't sit there any longer reading the same few sentences over and over. It was better to select 'Print' and then talk to the only person who could explain the note...and the final damning words.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be around after all this is over. I just wanted to say that I loved you, even when I said that I didn't. LL

. . .

"Luthor!" Slamming through the thick oak doors, ignoring the objections of personal assistants, he threw the copy on the imposing mahogany desk and glared at the man behind it. "Are you going to tell me what the hell this is?"

"Mr. Kent. I don't recall seeing an appointment with you on my calendar. I suggest...."

The fist that thudded on the desktop rattled the Tiffany lamp. "Bullshit! Read it, and then explain to me why!"

Rising gracefully from his chair, the beleaguered owner of the office turned and took the two steps needed to stand in front of the floor-to-ceiling window and look out over Metropolis. Thrusting his hands into his pockets, Luthor rocked back on his heels and then shrugged. "I don't need to read it, Clark. I can easily see from its condition that you've managed to retrieve some piece of trash...."

Furious at the evasion, Clark rounded the desk in a few long strides, grasped a thin shoulder and spun him around. "Damn it, Lex!" The deliberately blank expression on Lex's face only added to Clark's anger and frustration, until he saw the hint of pain lurking behind the blue eyes. His voice softened and he pleaded, "Why can't you just admit it for once?"

Pulling free from Clark's grip, Lex began to pace in front of the window as he responded, "Admit what, Clark? That my father died in a lab explosion that I triggered by accident? That he'd called me in to help him with the final preparation of the weapon that he was going to use to kill Superman?"

Clark could see Lex struggling to stay in control, and he kept his voice even. "Why did you send me away that day? I offered to stay because of your father, but you refused to even look at me after I saved you. You keep pushing me away, but I've never stopped trying, Lex."

Lex's shoulders slumped as he stopped moving, his body turned away from Clark. His words sounded tired and hopeless. "What do you want from me, Clark?"

Taking advantage of Lex's stillness, Clark had moved up behind him. Clark's answer was to wrap his arms around Lex and pull him back into his chest. Sliding his face along Lex's head, he whispered softly in his ear, "Us. Please."

The movement was almost imperceptible, but Clark could feel Lex's head begin to lean against his as tense muscles slowly relaxed under Clark's supporting arms. Lex's answer was simple and released with a sigh. "Yes."

fin

***

"I Loved You All Along" (Our Lady Peace)

I walked around my good intentions

And found that there were none

I blame my father for the wasted years

We hardly talked

I never thought I would forget this hate

Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong

And if I don't make it

Know that I've loved you all along

Just like sunny days that

We ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded

And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong

I walked around my room

Not thinking

Sinking in this box

I blame myself for being too much like somebody else

I never thought that I'd just bend this way

Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong

And if I don't make it

Know that I loved you all along

Just like sunny days that

We ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded

And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong

I hope to God I figure out what's wrong

If I don't make it

Know that I loved you all along

Just like sunny days that

We ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded

And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong

And if I don't make it

Know that I loved you all along

Just like sunny days that

We ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded

And I hope to God I figure out...

***

Notes: touchstoneaf deliberately teased me with this song, declaring it perfect for Clark. I paid her back and twisted it to Lex, and then told her it was her fault when I didn't work on one of my WIPs. Thanks to jakrar for a quick beta - remaining mistakes are mine, of course.

Standard Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters herein. The characters of Lex Luthor and Clark Kent as well as any supporting characters are the property of their creators and DC Comics. Gough/Millar Inc and the WB Network TV own Smallville. Any deviations (or deviant behavior) from the originals, however, is mine.

Feedback is both welcome and appreciated.

SV Index